Second Verse Girl

I have started at least five blog posts but haven't been able to finish one of them.  I started writing in a daily journal only to completely stop after two short weeks.  I started taking vitamin supplements hoping to feel better physically only to forget to take them most every day.  I have started writing two new songs with a chorus and a verse (even a bridge to one), but I can't seem to write the second verse.

When my dad came to visit for Father's Day and I told him about my unfinished songs, he told me I needed to be "a second verse girl".  You know; when I think back, there are several songs I never finished, at least half a dozen.  In fact, I haven't finished a song since I was 15.  The creative juices start flowing; but then somewhere in the middle, they tend to abruptly stop and leave me without a clue as to how to end it.  I wonder why that is?  I think it has something to do with losing self confidence somewhere along the way.  I get these great ideas, or hear an amazing sermon, or read a verse that stands out to me in the Bible, or experience something in life that causes me to start thinking about a song.  I start it, but then I can't finish it.

Then there are the little "projects" I have started around the house.  I just stopped typing, shook my head, and smiled.  I immediately thought of three things that I have been trying to do over the past two years.  Something else always takes precedence.  There is always something more important to occupy my time, or at least I think so.

I need to take my Dad's advice to heart and be that "second verse girl".  The ability to finish what one starts has always impressed me.  Anytime I see other people do this, no matter how great or small the project, I always mentally applaud them.  Accomplishment is a wonderful thing.  Starting something is one thing, but finishing it?  Wow.  Amazing.  There is very little in this life that impresses me more.

Aren't you glad God never has this problem with us?  He is the author and finisher of our faith.  Hebrews 12 :2 reads,

" Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."

And what were the last spoken words of Jesus before he died on the cross?

 "When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost." (John 19:30)

I'm so very glad that God is a "second verse man".  He came to this earth robed in flesh and finished what He started.  He came for the sole purpose of becoming our sacrifice, to pay the penalty for sin once and for all.  And I believe that this same Jesus, the One who knows indeed how to finish what He starts, is able to do the same for us in our own personal lives.  He won't leave you hanging.  When you give your life in total surrender to Him and place everything in His capable hands, He'll take care of you.  I've got to add this verse...

  "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:" (Philippians 1:6)

One more thing... He's coming back.  Every prophecy written concerning the Messiah in the Old Testament was fulfilled in Jesus Christ.  I have every reason to believe that every prophecy concerning His return will also come to pass.

I am so thankful that He finishes what He starts.  How I long to be like Him!  God help me to be that "second verse girl".  Teach me to finish what I start, but most importantly... teach me to be complete in You.

Enduring the Night

The first thing God created was the morning.

He spoke into a vast nothingness of an endless black void, into a place that had never seen any color or shape, into what was quite possibly devoid of heat or warmth of any kind, and the first recorded words of God split the quiet of  what had been up to that point an eternal, dark night...

"Let there be light."

He forever separated the darkness from the light, and it was good.  What was good?  His beautiful creation.  What does this tell us?  From the very beginning, the night had to come first.  It's kind of like God's answer to the age old question, "Which came first; the chicken or the egg?".  Only it has to do with something much more important than a delicious bird.  The night has to come before the morning.  It's just the way it's always been.

I could go deep into this subject, but instead I just wanted to plant a seed in your minds, dear readers.  Think about it sometime.  Your night has to come before your morning, but your morning IS coming... it has to.  Since the dawn of time there has always been an answer to each nightfall, and it's called daybreak.  There has never been an endless night, although we've all been through what seemed like an endless night, no doubt.  The darkness will leave, and the morning sun will shine again.

I had an inspiration for this thought.  It's a verse God has laid heavy on my heart the past few weeks.  It's found in Psalm 30:5, "For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

You're not alone in your dark time, and it won't last forever.  Always remember, the first thing He ever made was the morning.  Whatever it is that you may be going through, just hold on...

here comes the dawn.

  

"Repeat" and be Baptized!

My second little girl, Jordan Elisabeth, was baptized in the precious name of Jesus two Sundays ago, January 27th!  Words can't express how proud of her I have been over the past few weeks.  She is only 6 years old, but her understanding of the Scriptures is enough that she comprehends the need for water baptism in Jesus' name.  I believe we all need a little more of that child-like faith Jesus spoke of in the Bible.  We don't need years of study and more degrees than a thermometer to simply understand the need for Salvation.  Jordan has been taught this truth from infancy, and she decided on her own that she needed to "repeat" (as she first called it) and be baptized in Jesus' name.  We asked her a few more questions to gauge her understanding of the subject, because we as parents don't want our children to just mimic and go through the motions.  We want them to comprehend.  There was no doubt that she understood, so we set the date!

During this time, her father and I were in the middle of a Daniel's Fast as part of our church-wide corporate 21 days of fasting and prayer. (see www.ultimatedanielfast.com).  Our girls had been watching us, taking notice of the fact that we were not eating and drinking the same things they were and they had lots of questions.  Rachel, our oldest daughter (8), asked specifically why people fast and pray, and after we had a talk about it at the dinner table she told us that she wanted to fast and pray for her sister to receive the Holy Ghost. (see Acts chapter 2)  Jordan was also listening, and she wanted to participate as well.  So the next day she and Jordan, of their own free will, chose to forgo breakfast with the main purpose of Jordan receiving the Holy Ghost.  I can't tell you how that made me feel.  I don't think I have ever been any prouder as a mother than at that very moment.

 Here are a few more pictures...

   

She was so small, we had to use a metal chair for her to stand on.  :)

 

On a side note, Jordan was baptized in the very same homemade dress that Rachel was baptized in.  It was first intended for a Bible character costume made for Rachel by my husband's grandmother (AKA "Bikkie").  I thought it was sweet.  :)

They had been playing dress-up with it among their other play clothes, but I have now pulled it out of the box and put it away.  Maybe we'll baptize Ellie in it in a few more years.  :)

Jordan is presently seeking the Holy Ghost, and we pray she will be filled with God's Spirit very soon!

Chalkboards in the Morning

It seems as though I haven't had any inspiration for a "year in review" post.  Yes, much has happened.  And yes, there are many goals I have in mind for the year ahead.  But unlike last year, I don't have the desire to do a month by month walk back in time.  Last year was quite different; our lives had completely changed.  This time, I prefer to keep my thoughts tucked away about 2012.  Besides, those closest to me who actually read my blog know the main highlights anyway.

To wrap it all up in one neat, little bundle that I could stuff in a tiny shell and send zooming over the information highway directly to your screen:  God is merciful.  That's all that really matters.  His mercy is from everlasting to everlasting, mercies that are fresh and new each morning.  When day breaks the darkness of night and the sky awakens slowly from pitch black to a hazy gray to a beautiful light blue.  His mercy likewise changes the color of our heart's horizon.  And as sure as the sunrise, as sure as the kiss of dew on each blade of grass, as sure as dawn of another day, we are given the most valuable prize ever won:  the chance to try again.

My Dad once made what I believe to be one of the most awesome points I've ever heard on mercy.  Remember when soda companies first started the trend of prizes won under the cap or at the bottom of the can?  So many times we read over and over, "Please try again", to which my Dad taught that was the greatest prize we could ever win in our lifetime:  the chance to try again. 

I am reminded of my old 4th grade classroom chalkboard.  It was actually several huge chalkboards fitted together that covered an entire wall.  Mrs. Harris chose a student at the end of each school day, right before the last recess, for the coveted (yes, coveted) job of washing the boards.  The lucky student would go fill the old tin bucket with soap and water, and with a huge, over-sized sponge he or she would wash clean all the writings and lessons of the day.  I have no idea why it was such a desired occupation rather than going outside to the playground for that last spin on the merry-go-round with the boom box blaring in the center, that last game of kick ball with Principal Wood, that last swing on the swing set while singing to the top of one's lungs, that last opportunity to catch a yellow jacket in the half drank can of grape soda.  I waited and waited for what seemed like an eternity to my 8 year old mind for my chance to wash the boards.  Finally, it came.  I was never so happy to clean something.  (How I wish I still felt that happiness while doing housework!)  I dipped that giant sponge in the pail of tepid, sudsy water, stepped up onto the stool designated for the washer, and from top to bottom, all the way from one side of the wall to the other, I wiped clean every mark.

 Forgive my simple mind, but I see each new year like that chalkboard.  I think that the prospect of washing it all clean should be exciting, something to look forward to, to be happy about while we're doing it.  I also believe that the start of a brand new year is the perfect time to do a little soul searching, a little praying, a little fasting.  It only makes sense to me to do these things as the precious gift of the "chance to try again" is set before us.  Let the water of the Word wash you clean.  Detoxify your physical and spiritual self in a good fast.  Spend the dawn of each new day (beautifully painted with that fresh mercy!) on your knees in prayer before the rest of the world wakes up around you.

So once again, I find myself on that step stool at the chalk board, damp sponge in hand, the powdery scent of chalk in the air (because there's a lot on the board), and a smile on my face.  I'm remembering the past year I see written before me.  I see lots of laughter, lots of tears, a few achievements, a few mistakes, lessons learned, and a ton of blessings I could have never deserved.  So many memories.  Some I never want to forget, others I wish I could.  And through it all, another year of my life gone forever, there is one beautiful constant:  My God stayed the same.  The same He will be today, the same He will be tomorrow.  I take hold of my gift, and I start washing the slate clean, yet again.  I claim my prize brought with another new year wrapped in new mercy.

I will try again.

            

Bridges and Gates

On the ride home from our annual family check-ups, my husband and I were talking about what we usually talk about more than any other topic:  our three girls.  You parents know how it works.  Just about anytime you and your spouse are able to talk about anything without much interruption, no matter how far away from the subject of children the conversation starts, you inevitably end up talking about the kids somehow.  No getting around it, it's just the way it goes.  But this time, the subject went a little deeper than normal.  The topic shifted to innocence and how easily it can be lost in the most unexpected places.

As parents, we can try so hard to protect our children from outside influences, from harmful situations, from dangerous scenarios.  But so many times, we tend to overlook what should be one of the most obvious sources of innocence lost:  animated films.  No, this is not a blog post harping on the horrors of TV; though in my opinion, it isn't worth rummaging through the trash in order to find a piece of cake so to speak.  But how easy is it these days to plop our little ones down in front of a screen, pop in (or flip to) a "good cartoon", and then walk away to do other things?

My husband pointed out the fact that it seems like a lot of parents think that anything animated is perfectly acceptable for young eyes to watch.  But let me ask you this:  Have you ever sat down to watch one of these films or cartoons and found yourself laughing at a scene more than your kids?  Why is that?  Because a lot of the time, the content is more mature than we realize.  Way too many DVDs and network episodes, all supposedly for kids, have more adult humor in them than we really realize.

Innocence is one of the most precious gifts we are ever given as children.  But once it's gone, it's gone...forever.  My dad once wrote a poem for me as a then 15 year old girl.  He wrote about how my innocence was priceless.  I can't quote the poem from memory, but one of its phrases will forever remain imprinted upon my mind.

...that bridge is crossed, then burned.

Parents, we have one shot—just one shot—at doing our best to get it right with our kids while they are still young.  Every birthday we celebrate marks another year gone that we will never get back with them.  You know as well as I do how quickly the time zooms past us.

Imagine with me, if you will, our children's innocence as bridges.  These bridges connect to many other bridges that lead to many, many places.  Now imagine those bridges sealed off by strong iron gates...gates with locks...intended to be opened at a later time but that need to remain closed for now.

Mom and Dad, we are the gatekeepers.

When we expose our children to new things, we unlock the gates.  Then, they can cross over.  Once crossed, the bridges are never again operational.  They serve their purpose no matter how prematurely they were crossed.  Then, they are burned.  These bridges are one-way bridges.

I understand that children can be exposed to horrible things from which parents can not always protect them.  We live in a sick, dark world full of sin and perversion.  Innocence can be stolen.  But what I'm talking about today are the things that we as parents CAN control.

The next time you have the chance to watch a cartoon or film with your kids, take a closer look.  Pay attention to the seemingly innocent jokes and humor.  Some things are truly funny that make all of us laugh, and that's great and can be a bunch of fun.  But take notice if there are any times that you laugh, smile, roll your eyes, or "get a joke", that your children don't.  There's a reason for that.  It wasn't on their level, or it shouldn't have been.

Pay attention to the images, as well.  These worlds may seem fantastic to you, but they are much more real to your little ones than you realize.  Would you let them watch the very same thing if it were not animated?  Would you let them watch the very same thing in real life?

You as an adult have already lost your innocence.  They haven't.  Hold the keys.  Guard the gates.  Shield the children.  Stand in front of those gates until the day comes when the time is right to step aside.  I challenge you today.

Be the gatekeeper.

As Time Goes By...

Time.

What an amazing concept.  When you stop and really think about it, time is by far one of the most incomprehensible phenomenons known to mankind.  Throughout my years of teaching Sunday School to children of all ages, from pre-schoolers to college and career students, there has only been one way I have been able to describe time.  It's the very same way my Daddy explained it to me as a child.  He drew a circle on a piece of paper and said that before the beginning of anything there was God, and there was no such thing as time.  Then he drew a simple line in the top part of the circle.  He explained how God simply stepped in and "drew" a line in the circle, creating time, which from that point on everything had a beginning and an ending.

Because of that line, our brains have a difficult time understanding the concept of eternity.  It is quite amazing to think how one of these days God will step in once again... and simply erase the line.  The short amount of time that we have been given as individuals to decide where we will be when that line is erased is by far the most precious gift we have ever or will ever be given.

Each year, we celebrate the date that marks the beginning of our own beginning.  We call it a birthday.  Just yesterday, I turned another year older.  One more drop in the countdown of my personal timeline, the time that I have been given to determine how I will spend eternity.  It's a sobering thought, but not one of dread or worry for me, because in the words of one of my favorite childhood Christian music bands, "I've got time on my side".  You see, when this life is over for me, that's when my true life will begin...a life that will never end.

Another thought to ponder... there is more to time than just a beginning and an ending.  There are beautiful periods of time within time itself called seasons.  I'm not just referring to the four seasons of each year (which Autumn is my favorite by far!).  There are seasons in our own lives.  Ecclesiastes chapter 3 says it so well, I wanted to include it in this post.  I know we've all heard it so many times before, but sometimes I like to read these verses again and see them through the "glasses" of a personal perspective.

 ^"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end."

          Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

Seasons are needed.  Seasons have purpose.  Seasons are vital to our very existence.  Without the changing of seasons in our lives, there would be no growth.  Things would always stay the same, whether good or bad.  Nichole Nordeman sings a beautiful song called Every Season (see video below), which captures the heart of my thoughts on recognizing God in each season of our lives.

 

My personal desire is to  always remember that time is a precious gift, that time brings seasons, that seasons bring needed change, and that change brings new growth.  As I look back over the past 33 years of my life, and try to look at the unknown years ahead, I want these thoughts to be etched into my heart and mind.  I pray that whatever time I am given, be it one day or 50 more years, that it will be time well spent in the light of eternity.  Just as a breath is breathed in and out again, so is the beginning and ending of this earthly life bound by the laws of time... only to be forever released to the eternal.  To believe in life after death only to realize you were wrong, you've lost nothing.  To not believe now only to awaken in the light of eternity, you've lost everything.   Be sure you know where you stand when your own line is erased.

Cheap, yet empty...

While shopping for a few groceries the other day, I was reminded of how crazy things can be in this life.  I was making a conscious effort of buying healthier foods for my family.  As I filled up my cart with fresh fruits and veggies, lean meats, and whole grains, I was astounded (yet again) at the cost of "healthy living".  Amazing... one can buy a double cheeseburger, fries, and a soda all for LESS than the simple package of organic granola I had to HUNT for in the massive store to go with my fruit and yogurt craving for breakfast.  Looking for higher protien and fewer carbs and sugars?  You can expect to pay nearly double the price.  Fast, quick, and easy (and empty) calories abound, while one has to actually shop and read labels to try and avoid the processed chemicals.  Even then, there are commercialized "promises" on labels you have to know about to avoid.  Often times something "healthy" can actually be just as bad as the other stuff, for example, "fat-free" often means "loaded with sugar".  Like I said earlier... it's crazy.

Why?  Why is it more difficult, more expensive, and more stressful to go back to the old ways?  Americans used to grow their own salads, milk their own dairy, and yes, even kill their own meat.  It was simply the way of life, no one thought any differently about it.  A plate at the dinner table that seemed to be "normal" over 50 years ago is considered a gourmet feast to some now days... home-grown vegetables, fresh grilled meat, and desserts made from scratch and not out of a box.  Ever wonder why your grandmother's recipe is usually 10 times better than your own?  Yeah, it's because she took her time and did it right with fresh ingredients.

This microwave age we live in is literally lethal.  It's killing us.  No, this is not another "health nut" blog post about the dangers lurking in our kitchens, although they are most definitely there and I'm just as guilty as you are about serving it to my family.  But what I connected after putting away my meager, yet expensive, goods the other day is simply this... it's just plain difficult sometimes to do the right thing.  Not just in grocery shopping, but in everyday life.

It's a battle to pray, read my Bible, fast, give of my precious time, energy, and resources.  It's a constant struggle to think of others before I think of myself, to cleanse my mind and soul of the toxins of this world, to come out and be separate, to sacrifice the pleasures of this life in order to gain eternity... it's very costly.  Holiness does not come cheap, and I don't necessarily mean a dollar figure.  In fact, to live this life the way the Scripture says costs all that you have.  And even by giving all that we have, by giving up all that we naturally want when we come into the world, born under the curse of sin, even then... it could never really be enough.

Ah, but the benefits of trading the empty, good-tasting, quick and convenient "calories" for the healthier, unprocessed, home-grown, vitamin-packed "nutrients"... the pro's far outweigh the con's.  You see, when the body is cleansed from toxins and chemicals, things run smoother and more efficiently!  There are fewer health risks, better sleep, lower blood pressure, unclogged arteries, regulated blood sugars, fewer pounds, stronger muscles and bones... the list goes on and on!   Yes, I'm speaking of the physical... but it applies even more so to the spiritual.  Trading convenience for quality... it goes a long way from the view of eternity.

So, yes... I will gladly "spend more" now.  I will take the time to prepare instead of throwing something together.  Because the "empty calories" are just that... empty.

Mark said it very well...  "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" (Mark 8:36, KJV)    

Choose and Keep...

 ^"Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.
And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word.
But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.
And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:
But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

Luke 10:38-42, KJV


How many times have I heard sermons taken from this text throughout my life?  How many ladies meetings have I sat through, even been a part of, with these Scriptures as the theme?  How many times have I read these verses casually, or even carefully?  Many, many times.

As I was praying Monday night, the familiar Scriptures above came to my mind.  I picked up a Bible and searched, it didn't take me very long to find the reference.  I read the verses, then I reread them, then I read them again.  Something kept compelling me to read it over and over until I finally saw something that may seem quite simple to you, dear readers.  But I needed to see it.

Martha, as we all know, was being a woman at her "best"... busy.  As a wife and mother, I feel that I am not worth anything unless I'm up doing something.  I feel downright guilty for sitting down in the middle of the day, when my kitchen is calling to me, my laundry room is screaming at me, and the rest of my house is roaring at me for my time and attention.  So many days recently I have battled with severe headaches, unexplained fatigue, and and overall feeling of just plain horrible.  My body has forced me to sit, even *gasp* nap when I can.  And I always, always feel guilty for it.  I feel lazy, worthless, and usually wake up from a fretful tossing and turning "sleep" feeling even worse than when I laid down.  My brain will NOT turn off, long after my body has tried.  Sometimes I just want to cry about it.  There is this organized, amazing, Martha Stewart meets Betty Crocker woman that I desperately want to be.  I can try, pitifully, but I mostly fail.  I end up not being productive, but just being busy, seemingly spinning my wheels.  Like Martha, I am careful... very careful, mind you... about many things.  And it just leads to being troubled.

I can just see it in my mind... Martha pouring over recipes until she finds just the right ones, gathering all the needed food, making lists, going to the market, coming home, prepping, cutting, preparing it all.  Her mind racing ahead to the next few hours and all that needs to be made ready.  And that's just the kitchen... what about the rest of the house?  Is it clean?  Is everything not just presentable but perfect for this great man about to enter her home, the place that represents her very self?  Where is Mary?!  Where is my help?!  Do I have to do EVERYTHING by myself?!  I have so much to do, so little time...

And she looks in the next room, ready to snap, every nerve on fire... and there is her sister.  SITTING DOWN.  Listening to this man speak... she gets to hear the sermon!  I can't listen to the sermon, I'm too busy doing everything else!  Why can't I get to be a part of that?  I invited Him to my home, and I'm stuck in my kitchen while she soaks up the benefits!  This won't do...

She was so upset, He had to say her name twice.  Twice.  Think about that!  As a mother of three small children, that means a great deal to me.  Yes, He saw that she was being careful, but He also saw her trouble.  Funny how those words are back to back.

So many things pull us in so many different directions.  We become so wrapped up in going and doing, giving everything we have until we fall into an exhausted, restless sleep late at night.  We lay there, minds racing, until the minutes turn to hours, yes... hours.  Feelings of never being good enough plague our minds.  We compare ourselves and everything we have or don't have with every other woman we meet.  No wonder women these days are walking around with plastic smiles, keeping things bottled up until we literally break. 

But Mary... she had "chosen the good part".  First of all, the word "chosen"... whoa!  She had a choice?!  That's a sermon in itself!  And what good part?  She "sat at His feet, and heard His word".  My, my... in order to hear what He was saying, she had to be still for just a minute.  And that's not all... the Lord also said, "...which shall not be taken away from her."  That stood out to me for the very first time, as beautiful as a red tulip against green blades of grass...

It can't be taken away.

Lord, help me to rest at Your feet.  However possible, in whatever way, help me to MAKE THE TIME for You. 

Help me to listen to Your words.  Help me be quiet.  Help me be still. 

Help me to choose and keep that good part.  Like picking out what piece of cake I wanted as a child... like choosing the cutest puppy or kitten in the litter... like shopping in the produce section, picking up, smelling, feeling for the freshest and best... help me to choose the good part.  And most of all, help me to hold on to it.  Just like Ellie clung to me the first time she was ever in a pool, may I grasp it... and hold on for dear life.  

Bring on the rain...

"We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise"

-Laura Story, Blessings


 Trials actually being mercies?  Crazy thought, but true.  So true.

Constant

"I've lost some good friends along life's way
Some loved ones departed in heaven to stay
But thank God I didn't lost everything
I've lost faith in people who said they cared
In time of my crisis they were never there
But in my disappointment, in my season of pain
One thing never wavered, one thing never changed

I've let some blessings slip away
When I lost my focus and went astray
But thank God I didn't lost everything
I lost possessions that were so dear
I lost some battles walking in fear
But in the midst of my struggles, in my season of pain
One thing never wavered, one thing never changed

I never lost my hope,
I never lost my joy
I never lost my faith
But most of all, I never lost my praise"

-Kurt Carr
 

Ever heard that one song that brings the thought, "I could have written that one..."?  This is one such song for me.

Random thoughts for the day...

You can't please everyone.  People let you down.  People change.  They change what they say, what they think, how they act.  I'm so glad that in the midst of crises in our lives, in the midst of change, when you can't trust anyone from one literal minute to the next, I'm so glad that I have something to hold onto.  I have my faith.  My faith brings hope and joy.  And my faith is made manifest in my praise.  When we serve only ourselves, we hurt others.  It's inevitable.  But when we put others before ourselves we find true joy.  Everyone needs a constant in their life, that one thing that never changes, for the GOOD.  I guess there are plenty of constants in life that aren't so good.  But we each need that one good thing.  I found my constant.  My unchanging north star, so to speak.  When my world is spinning, I can look up and see it unmoving, always there.  Never wavering.  I have my faith.  I have my praise.         

Courtrooms, remotes, and vapors...

Unreal. It is simply unreal to think back and realize another year of my life is history. I will never have those days again... they are GONE forever. Of course, it's that way every single day of my life, but there's just something about a year marker, like New Year's or a birthday, to bring it all into perspective.

It's times like these, when I take a glance back over my life, that I find myself once again in my own courtroom. Ever been in your own courtroom? I have many, many times. It's a bit ironic how I am the plaintiff, the prosecutor, the judge, and the jury all wrapped up into one person. I examine, cross-examine, deliberate, and judge myself in this secret, hidden place in my mind. But there's one person in my courtroom that I am not... I am not the witness. Those on the witness stand in my courtroom are the ones I live with, the ones I effect on a daily basis, the ones I love the most... my family and my friends. How have I made a difference in their lives? What good things have I done? What bad things have I done? How could I improve? Who have I hurt, who have I helped, when could I have gone the extra mile instead of sitting down? Are my victories outweighed by my failures? I have looked, I have listened, and I have reached a verdict yet again...

Guilty.

I am a human being, born under the curse of sin, in need of a Savior, just like everyone else in this world. I am not happy with my mistakes, I have regrets, there are things I wish I could go back and undo, erase, and start all over again. But unfortunately, we are all bound to an infinite, unmovable, unchangeable force in this life called time.

But how wonderful to know that the Creator of time itself is on my side. How wonderful that there is yet another Witness on that stand in my courtroom. How wonderful that I have a loving, merciful Savior. It's then that I realize the verdict isn't guilty... but forgiven.

If only the sea of forgetfulness existed in our world. I have longed for a delete button and made joking references to such on Facebook throughout the past few months or so. Wouldn't it be great to have a remote that we could use to pause, fast forward, rewind, or record over in our lives? But I guess if we had one of those, then we'd never learn a single lesson. No... we don't need to forget. We need to remember. It's in our memories that we truly learn about life. There just has to be a healthy balance somehow in remembering and not beating yourself up over your memories. There has to be a way to remember without pain. There has to be a way to focus on the good times instead of the bad.

So... I just took a deep breath in and let it out here... I will look ahead to this fresh new year of life I have been given today. It's wrapped all perfect and pretty, untarnished, no smudges or stains yet. The only uncertain thing is how long this gift will last. James said it really well... "Whereas you know not what shall be tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away." (James 4:14, KJV)

May I live this life to the fullest... in His will, in His Word, and in His way.

A new chapter

I love to read.  I always have.  As a small child, my idea of fun was being taken to the local library, picking out at least 10 books, finding a comfy spot in the kids corner and reading away.  Then I would take those books home with me and read them at least 3 times each all over again before they were due back.  Some of my most cherished memories are of me and Daddy in our reading chair.  He would read to me ALL the time, even as a toddler.  I would sit quietly and still (wow) in his lap and listen to his voice and the various sounds it made as he "talked" for each of the different characters.  As a teen, I always had a book on my bedside table that I was reading.  Books became my friends, and I would visit my favorite characters over and over again.  There are some books in my small collection that I have read quite literally 10 or more times each.  Well, now a mommy of three, my reading pretty much involves revisiting characters such as Sam I Am and his plate of green eggs and ham.  Reading anything remotely above 5th grade level is a luxury for me.  I still have books on my bedside table, but they remain unopened with a thin line of dust on the pages.  (who has time to dust??) 

But, with my love of books and reading, indulge me as I compare my life to a book.  If my life were in written form, it would probably be quite dull compared to some.  But it would most definitely be a book full of change.  My life has been anything but monotonous routine.  As a minister's daughter who went on the evangelist field for two years and moved with her parents as they pastored three different churches, I never became very settled in one particular area.  So, I'm pretty used to change by now.  In fact, if things start settling into anything routine, I begin to worry.  :)

Well, another page is about to be turned, a new chapter has begun.  I would love to skip ahead a read future chapters to see how it all turns out.  But, unfortunately, I would only see blank pages, as it is only written line by line, day by day.

After much prayerful consideration, my husband is now the pastor of Greater Faith Tabernacle in Greenville, MS.  I am 200% behind him in this decision, and believe with all my heart this is indeed the will of God for our lives at this time.  In fact, I can honestly say without a doubt that this is the first time in my life something has felt so right.

The church family is precious, and we have already come to love each and every one of the members.  They have an amazing outreach Sunday School ministry in full swing, which we greatly anticipate being involved in.  My husband has already baptized three students!  We are so looking forward to being a part of what God has in store for this church and community, and fervently pray that we can help make a difference.

The next few months are going to be quite hectic.  Transition is rarely an easy process.  I am ready for the dust to settle, however the only dust settling right now is the dust we're stirring up packing and moving boxes.  It will come, though.

This is sure to be an exciting time in our lives, and no, we're not expecting only roses and rainbows. We know that life is learning, growing, making mistakes and trying again, disappointing and sometimes downright painful.  But we also know the One holding the pen, and as He writes the following pages He will also guide our every step and never forsake us.  He is indeed the author and finisher of our faith.        

"Train up a child..."

Last night, my oldest daughter was baptized! Rachel is 6 years old (she'll be 7 in November), and she was all smiles as she took on the precious name of Jesus. Her daddy performed the baptismal which made it even more special to us. Mom and Dad, as well as his parents and grandmother, were there. Rachel received the Holy Ghost last Sunday night, and she told us she was ready to be baptized and even explained it all to us (in her own way). So we know she understood. As I stood there watching, I was reminded of my own experience as a child of 4 (almost 5). My daddy baptized me, too. How precious these days are to me! To the congregation of WPPC, we were so honored to have shared this special time with you. WPPC will always be special to our family. It was on the back pew of that church that my husband proposed to me on a Christmas morning. We were married there, spent almost 8 years of our married life there, including the baby dedication services of our three girls. Rachel received the Holy Ghost there, as well. So, it was fitting for her to be baptized there. As a mother, I have been overwhelmed with emotions — just about every kind you could imagine. But none can compare to the feelings I have when I watch my children mature in the Lord. For my ever-growing list of mistakes as a new parent, it's nice to know I'm doing some things right every now and then. There is no doubt about it, instilling a love for the Truth is my greatest responsibility as a mother. In this I must not fail.

Release

"I've been lookin' till my eyes are tired of lookin'
Listenin' till my ears are numb from listenin'
Prayin' till my knees are sore from kneelin' on the bedroom floor
I know that you know that my heart is achin'
I'm running out of tears and my will is breakin'
I don't think that I can carry the burden of it anymore
All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans,
Are slowly slippin' through my folded hands


So I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do?
Cause everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don't come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go,
I'm gonna lay it down.

I've been walkin' through this world like I'm barely livin'
Buried in the doubt of this hole I've been diggin'
But You're pullin' me out
I'm finally breathin' in the open air
This room may be dark but I'm finally seein'
There's a new ray of hope, and now I'm believin'
That the past is past, and the future's beginning to look brighter now
Oh, cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands"

-Jaci Velasquez

Sometimes you just have to let it go.  You do everything you know to do, and then you do the really hard part... learn to release it.  It's taken me a very long time to do it, but I've finally done it.  I lay it down... and may I never try to pick it back up again.  Thank you, Lord, for helping me to let it go.

Into the Fog

While driving to work one morning last week, I came upon a thick white wall of fog.  I couldn't see the road beyond it, the trees to the side of it... nothing.  But when I actually drove into it, the mist seemed to clear around me, and I could see the road clearly as if the fog wasn't even there.  And it just hit me, all of the sudden... sometimes you have to drive blindly into the fog in order to see the road.  Just one of those moments in life that make you pause and reflect.